Search Results for: hyperfocus

ADHD’s hyperfocus spell: what it is and how to break it

Brain science1 Comment on ADHD’s hyperfocus spell: what it is and how to break it
Use the player above to listen to the text of this post. To receive expanded versions of new audio posts and other bonus content in your favorite podcast app, become a supporter of The ADHD Homestead on Patreon.

This post was adapted from my book Order from Chaos. More info here.

Here’s a familiar story: person with ADHD promises to complete a household chore (e.g. mow the lawn). Person with ADHD sits down in front of a video game to play for 10 minutes. Lawn remains unmowed. Darkness falls. Lawn is still unmowed. An entire day has passed. Person with ADHD is now in trouble.

I could write infinite variations on this theme.

While the first D in ADHD stands for deficit, ADHDers don’t start out with less attention than everybody else. ADHD cripples our attention regulation. It strips us of the choice as to where our attention focuses. Judging from the ubiquity of the “look! a squirrel!” cliché, most people know all about ADHD and distraction. You may not know about its counterpart, hyperfocus.

Hyperfocus is a powerful state. Some people even call it a superpower. If you do that, don’t forget the most important thing about superpowers: you need to learn to control them.

In this post, I’ll to talk straight to people helping someone with ADHD. More often than not, an ADHDer stuck under the hyperfocus spell doesn’t have the self-awareness or willpower to break it.

Fortunately, you can try a relatively easy trick to bring a hyperfocuser back to reality.

But what is hyperfocus?

They may forget to pay bills or start the dishwasher, but many people with ADHD can turn on laser focus and spend hours on a single task — as long as it’s something that engages their interest. This is hyperfocus.

I’ve heard several people with ADHD describe hyperfocus as a state where time actually ceases to exist. This is why you can’t just tell us to look at a clock more often, wear a watch, or set a timer. The hyperfocus state means more than simply losing track of time. Its victim forgets time exists at all, until it’s too late.

Breaking the hyperfocus flow feels bad. If you’ve ever tried to disengage a person with ADHD from something they really wanted to keep doing, and you’ve been met with hostility or downright childishness, you’ve seen what I’m talking about.

As troublesome as it can be, hyperfocus isn’t all bad. It shares many characteristics with a state described as flow: we find ourselves absorbed in the moment, unaware of the passage of time, focused solely on the task in front of us. Hyperfocus only becomes harmful when we lose control of it — which can be often.

Hyperfocus isn’t a choice

Before you can help someone break the hyperfocus spell, you need to know it’s not a conscious choice. I get distracted more often than I hyperfocus, so I’ve had to work to build empathy with my husband, who’s a champion hyperfocuser. When I took up sewing, I had a huge breakthrough and finally understood the sensation of knowing I should stop, yet being unable to.

People without ADHD, especially those with naturally excellent self-control, may lack any concept of how this could not be a choice. Either I’m choosing to be responsible, or I’m choosing to be irresponsible. End of story.

It’s not that simple. As frustrating as hyperfocus can be when your spouse gets wrapped up in something and neglects food, sleep, and family, it helps to remind yourself they aren’t doing it on purpose. She hasn’t said to herself, “Continuing this activity is more important than my family.” He doesn’t decide at 9:00 p.m., “I think I’ll stay up until 4:00 a.m. playing World of Warcraft.”

In fact, before you even say a word to us, we’ve usually beat ourselves up internally. We know we did you wrong, and we wanted to do better, we just…didn’t. And we’re as frustrated about that as you are.

To break hyperfocus, reconnect the fabric of time

My husband has spent many hours brushing off suggestions that he move on from a hyperfocus activity and eat, sleep, or help me around the house instead. After the spell has broken, he’ll readily admit he shouldn’t have spent an entire day on whatever captured his attention. By then it’s too late.

To help an ADHDer break their hyperfocus, try this simple trick: ask the person to close their eyes and imagine themselves at some point in the future. Make it mundane. I’ve imagined myself standing in the kitchen preparing dinner. I’ve asked my son to visualize himself walking from the house to the car on his way to school in the morning. The moment can be ordinary, and it should be unrelated to the current hyperfocus state.

I know it sounds strange, but it works. I discovered this strategy, which I later found articulated in Kelly McGonigal’s The Willpower Instinct, while deep in the depths of a negative emotional hyperfocus. (Side note: Yes, hyperfocus can affect emotions, too, leaving you with no grasp on anything outside what you’re currently feeling. And yes, this can be dangerous. People with ADHD are at a nearly fivefold risk for self-harm.)

The effect of this visualization exercise can feel like a fog clearing from your brain.

Why visualizing our future self helps

Our brains have different regions for thinking about ourselves and about other people. When you stay up too late or order that one last drink and think, “I’m going to regret this tomorrow,” your brain uses the regions dedicated to thinking about someone else.

We don’t connect to our future self as deeply as our present self. That’s why your hyperfocusing ADHDer won’t pull themselves away from the video game to mow the lawn. Their future self — the person who will be in trouble for not mowing the lawn — feels like another person.

Imagining a moment in the future, even if it’s something as simple as a trip to the grocery store, helps us connect to ourselves outside the moment. For an ADHDer, that doesn’t come naturally.

Make sure your help is welcome

You may be tempted to use this little bit of knowledge every time you catch your ADHDer doing something you don’t like. Be careful. This is brain science, not sorcery.

Make sure you’re coming from a genuinely helpful place and not offering a scolding, “I want you to think about how tired you’re going to be tomorrow if you don’t get to bed.” Discuss the future-self visualization strategy beforehand and allow your loved one to accept your assistance.

After all, someone who views you — and not the hyperfocus state — as the primary problem is unlikely to cooperate no matter how many brain science tricks you throw at them.

What are your tricks for redirecting hyperfocus?

This post was updated with audio narration and new graphics on September 8, 2020.

Hey there! Are you enjoying The ADHD Homestead?

Here's the thing: I don't like ads. I don't want to sell your attention to an advertising service run by the world's biggest data mining company. I also value my integrity and my readers' trust above all, which means I accept very few sponsorships/partnerships.

So I'm asking for your support directly. For the cost of one cup of coffee, you can help keep this site unbiased and ad-free.

Below you will find two buttons. The first lets you join our crew of Patreon pals and pledge monthly support for my work. Patrons also have access to my Audioblogs podcast. The second takes you to a simple donation page to pledge one-time or recurring support for The ADHD Homestead, no frills, no strings. Do whichever feels best for you!

Become a Patron!




Through the valley of the shadow of emotional hyperfocus

Marriage & Partner Relationships Mental Health10 Comments on Through the valley of the shadow of emotional hyperfocus

Let’s talk about feelings. ADHD feelings.

Most people don’t realize, ADHD is way more than forgetfulness and distractability and poor impulse control. ADHD can make our emotions big and scary and maybe even dangerous. Feelings that come and go quickly for others can suck us in, kind of like an emotional eddy.

Growing up alongside a big, gorgeous river, I learned about eddies. They kill a lot of people. They’re powerful and disorienting, and no human can overcome the force of that much water.

But you can get out. You do it by swimming straight down to the bottom, then downstream a ways, and then you try to reach the surface.

It works for feelings, too.

Sometimes, it’s not a big deal (to you).

My ADHD symptoms got worse during our kitchen renovation. All the mess and disruption did a number on my mental health. That I observed and identified this situation — you know, as one of those life circumstances that’ll give a neurotypical person ADHD-like symptoms — was perhaps my only saving grace.

One evening, just before bed, I annoyed my husband somehow. I forget how, and it doesn’t matter, because it wasn’t a big deal. It didn’t need to be a Whole Big Thing. It was a Normal Marriage Thing. A blip on the radar.

Here’s the problem for many adults with ADHD: we tend to latch onto things, and we have a lot of trouble letting go. Poorly managed ADHD blows Normal Marriage Things into Whole Big Things on the regular. It’s exhausting.

Fortunately, I recognized this. I decided — for once! — not to force my husband through a conversation about why he was or wasn’t annoyed with me, and how we could fix it. He wasn’t worried about it, and he wanted to go to sleep. Have you ever kept your spouse up for hours with a bizarre, melodramatic Whole Big Thing whose significance you couldn’t even explain the next day? I have. Let’s just say I wanted to jump on the opportunity to avoid it this time. I got out of bed and removed myself to another room to settle down.

“Forget it” and “drop it” don’t really work with ADHD.

That’s all great, except I don’t know how to let things go. This is why I insist on talking through everything immediately, and why I never, ever want to go to bed angry. I knew I had to drop it, and I knew bothering my husband with drama while he was trying to sleep would make things worse. That didn’t prevent me from suffering.

People with ADHD can get stuck on an emotion. The feeling magnifies itself until it’s overwhelming, even frightening. We can become a person we don’t know. Just like time disappears with task hyperfocus, the spectrum of our emotions disappears with emotional hyperfocus.

It’s easy to sink into a spiral of self-loathing, anger, hopelessness, worthlessness. Once you’re in the spiral, it’s like an eddy: it sucks you down. It won’t let you out the way you came. If you let it overwhelm you, you’ll drown.

There I was, on the couch, gasping for air as those toxic emotions pulled me under.

Swimming to the bottom of the emotional eddy.

I found my way out, albeit by accident.

Don’t ask me how I thought of this in my state of hysteria, but imagined my future self. I pictured myself standing in our yet-to-be-constructed new kitchen. I was at the island, preparing food, surrounded by friends and family. Happy.

I felt the negative emotions dissipate, like a fog lifting.

Turning off a light, touching someone on the arm, or forcing them to get up and get a drink of water can help break the spell of hyperfocus. I suppose I forced my brain to do this in a more figurative sense. I offered a distraction. I walked my brain over to a different corner, forced my mental eyes to refocus, and suddenly I could see the real world again.

Dropping it with my husband took me to the bottom of the emotional abyss. To my surprise, I resurfaced on my own this time.

When we’re out of it, we’re out of it.

I don’t intend this as a how-to, even though I’d love to imagine my words helping someone. Think of this as an ask, of those of you who love someone with ADHD. I want to help you understand how hard this is. How hysterical we get over stuff that’s not a big deal. How, in the moment, it is a big deal. We can lose all sense of self-worth. We attack. We may literally not be able to comprehend the fact that you still love us.

So don’t try to reason with us. Don’t even try to recognize us. Wait for us to come back first, or better yet, try to help find us.

Hey there! Are you enjoying The ADHD Homestead?

Here's the thing: I don't like ads. I don't want to sell your attention to an advertising service run by the world's biggest data mining company. I also value my integrity and my readers' trust above all, which means I accept very few sponsorships/partnerships.

So I'm asking for your support directly. For the cost of one cup of coffee, you can help keep this site unbiased and ad-free.

Below you will find two buttons. The first lets you join our crew of Patreon pals and pledge monthly support for my work. Patrons also have access to my Audioblogs podcast. The second takes you to a simple donation page to pledge one-time or recurring support for The ADHD Homestead, no frills, no strings. Do whichever feels best for you!

Become a Patron!




How (and why) to tame your hyperfocus

Task Management Time Management2 Comments on How (and why) to tame your hyperfocus

People with ADHD can achieve almost superhuman levels of focus (referred to as hyperfocus) in some situations, yet none at all in others.  That’s because ADHD isn’t an attention deficit, but a broken attention regulation system.

bomb timer

Hyperfocus is our secret superpower. Often, it’s also our undoing. Capable of an amazing state of flow, we’re unstoppable, and it’s easy to get ‘sucked in.’ That’s why it’s so important to reign in our hyperfocus: unstoppable even to ourselves, we become a runaway train…and we all know how that ends.

Unchecked, hyperfocusing ADHD’ers neglect all other responsibilities. Work, school, family, or romantic relationships may suffer. Health may decline due to frequent all-nighters and missed meals (have you ever gotten in the zone and forgotten to eat?).

The good news is, you can learn to let your hyperfocus run wild in a controlled environment. It’s not easy, but here are some tips to get you started.

Know your triggers and risky behaviors

Keep a log of activities that run away with you. What time of day was it? What else was going on?

Eventually, you’ll see a pattern. For example: I don’t particularly like sewing, but it’s one of the few projects that gets me out of control, always wanting to eliminate one more rough edge. When I’m tired or frustrated, I’m more likely to waste time on Facebook because my brain can’t get in gear.

Know yourself. Know when you’re more likely to lose control, even if you don’t necessarily feel like it’s a bad thing (“sure I went to bed at 3:00 a.m., but I got so much done!”)

Limit time spent on high-risk activities

In her habits book, Better Than Before, Gretchen Rubin tells us to “decide not to decide.”

In other words, set boundaries ahead of time and commit to sticking to them. For example:

  • Only one one-hour or two half-hour television shows per night
  • Never open Facebook after 9:30 p.m.
  • Don’t start a new computer programming task within one hour of bedtime

Don’t let your brain talk you out of it. It will tell you things like:

  • “If you just do this one little thing, you can get the program working”
  • “If you sew this side seam, you’ll just have the bottom hem to do tomorrow”
  • “It’s only 25 more minutes, and we need to watch the resolution of this cliffhanger.”

There will always be one more thing, even after that one more thing.

Decide not to decide.

You also need breaks — ideally, before you think you need them. Read up on the Pomodoro Technique, which advocates a system of regularly spaced short and long breaks to keep your brain functioning at its peak.

Set a timer. Don’t trust yourself to watch the clock, or even to remember time exists.

If you share an office space, you may want to use a desktop app like Tomighty. At home, we love Suck UK’s adorable — and very loud — bomb timer. The Time Timer provides an excellent visual representation of time, and its ending bell is soft enough to use in a shared space.

Whatever you do, get up and stretch for a few minutes every half hour or so. It’ll break the spell and remind you of the real world — and the people in it who count on you.

Enlist help

Make agreements with family, colleagues, or helpful friends. Tell them to be persistent, even if you resist, make excuses, or tell them to go ahead to the meeting and you’ll be right behind them. Agree ahead of time that this is unacceptable behavior, and ask them to remind you whenever necessary.

Also, remember: you’ve asked this person for their help and support because you’re struggling with self-regulation. Try to listen, cooperate, and be gracious.

Use gentle reminders that involve the senses

If you’re trying to break the spell of someone else’s hyperfocus, avoid getting angry. The ADHD person isn’t fully present in this interaction. They may not remember a conversation that occurs during hyperfocus, and they may not even notice anything happening around them.

Because hyperfocus takes us so deep into the zone, we often need more than a simple, “time to leave for dinner — now.” Create a sensory event to bring consciousness back to the real world. Turn the lights off, provide a gentle touch on the arm or shoulder, or set a timer with a loud bell. If an electronic device is involved, turn it off — but only if you’ve agreed beforehand that this is okay!

You can do this for yourself, too, especially if you invest in something like a WeMo switch or, if you want to go simple, a lamp timer that will turn off the lights or computer at a predetermined time. Apps and browser extensions — like the Productivity Owl for Google Chrome — can help limit time on specific websites.

How about you? Do you struggle with hyperfocus? What tools and tricks have worked for you?

Hey there! Are you enjoying The ADHD Homestead?

Here's the thing: I don't like ads. I don't want to sell your attention to an advertising service run by the world's biggest data mining company. I also value my integrity and my readers' trust above all, which means I accept very few sponsorships/partnerships.

So I'm asking for your support directly. For the cost of one cup of coffee, you can help keep this site unbiased and ad-free.

Below you will find two buttons. The first lets you join our crew of Patreon pals and pledge monthly support for my work. Patrons also have access to my Audioblogs podcast. The second takes you to a simple donation page to pledge one-time or recurring support for The ADHD Homestead, no frills, no strings. Do whichever feels best for you!

Become a Patron!




Back To Top