I had another post planned for today, maybe even a better one.
Yet it feels off-kilter to soldier on with my publication calendar unchanged, as though our lives haven’t been completely upended.
A lot of people like me have posted helpful listicles and sample daily schedules, activity resources and links to streaming tours of museums and zoos.
I’m not going to do that. Not today, and probably not at any point during this whole ordeal. Instead I’m going to give you what I, as a parent living with my all-ADHD family all the time until the covid-19 quarantine/shutdown ends, want to see more of.
I’m going to share what’s actually happening.
Those aspirational “tips for surviving quarantine with your family” or fancy daily schedules won’t give me what I need. I need connection, stories, real life. I want to see the reality on the ground and know I’m not alone.
Here’s the reality on the ground for us right now: I don’t want my kid to spend the entire day playing video games, yet my husband and I both have our own work to get done. I’m used to working alone and now have to share the office, the airwaves, and sometimes the computer peripherals. Despite having been at home for the past five days and not having pets in the house, I think my son somehow got fleas in his bed. A stink bug just crawled onto my arm and startled me. I hope my whispered expletive was quiet enough because my husband is on a conference call. Everyone in our household has ADHD.
It is what it is.
I haven’t made a new schedule or significantly changed our routines.
This probably sounds insane, but I haven’t really changed much — beyond the obvious — about our daily routines around the house. I’m holding steady and only making alterations as they become necessary.
My rationale: the pandemic response is inherently disruptive and anxiety-inducing. We’re already unmoored by it. Why throw away any more normalcy than we need to?
Here’s what that’s meant for us so far this week:
- Waking up, eating meals, and going to bed at our usual times
- Going through our normal morning routine: breakfast, coffee, dressing, showering, making beds, getting the day underway by 7:30
- For me and the kiddo, doing work and school/independent activities roughly 7:30-3:00
- For my husband, working roughly 8:00-5:00
- Taking meds every morning
- Continuing my daily mini habits and kiddo’s token economy goals
- Doing laundry on Tuesday
If I see a need to block out time for specific activities or change our daily routines, I’ll make any adjustments that feel helpful. Otherwise, I have zero time to fix things that aren’t broken.
I have changed a few things (duh).
That said, some things have changed. Here are a few adjustments I’ve made this week:
- Relaxed screen time rules (within reason) for now
- Set stricter limits on my own social media use
- Made all meals family meals
- Tried to be more accommodating than I normally would be
- Kept working
- Used headphones to help me focus and block out sound
- Stopped working and switched to a physical task when I felt too distracted, zoned out, or demotivated
Before anything else, I rearranged our home office to make way for my husband and kiddo. I also removed a bunch of clutter and cleaned some dusty corners. When I burned out on a task I was trying to do at my desk, I let myself go a little crazy zip-tying the cables underneath it into some semblance of order. When the rest of life feels chaotic, I like to control what I can. Bringing order and cleanliness to my surroundings is one of the few things I can do in the physical world right now.
Plus, it can’t hurt to make our shared spaces more conducive to productive work. We might be here a while, after all. It won’t do anyone any good for me to be surly or unhelpful.
Together doesn’t always mean together
I’ve also adjusted my expectations to acknowledge our family being home doesn’t automatically give us more quality time together. In fact, it requires us to spend significantly more time alone, but separate. I suspect many families are experiencing the same thing: adults need to work, kids need to do school work or stay out of the way.
With that in mind, I’ve relaxed my time limits on video games. At this point I’m not planning to homeschool my kid and it’s unreasonable to expect him to homeschool himself. Academically, he’s ahead for his age. He enjoys math and on Monday he spent over three cumulative hours reading quietly by himself. He also played Minecraft for at least three hours. I don’t care. It was our first official day of this lifestyle and we’re all still figuring it out. When his work packet arrives from school, we’ll have something more concrete to work with.
On the other hand, I’ve insisted that our family eat all meals together. Distance — as much as we can get it when our world has shrunk to 1300 square feet — is going to be essential, but so is connection.
So far things feel manageable. Hopefully they stay that way, at least most of the time. I’ll continue to post updates about what we’re doing, what’s working, what’s not.
I’d also love to hear from you. How are you coping? What are you glad you did? What do you feel like you need? Tell me your stories in the comments below. I could use a glimpse of real life in the rest of the world right now.
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