Parenting with ADHD ain’t easy! | Attention Deficit Hyperactive Dusty
Everyone’s experience is different, but I’m always happy to see someone writing about being a parent with ADHD. The internet is overflowing with articles about parenting kids with ADHD, with far fewer resources for parents struggling with their own ADHD. ADHD is a highly heritable condition. We do a disservice to everyone involved if we pretend most of these struggling kids are being parented by two neurotypical adults.
Everyone in our household has ADHD and it affects how we parent, not just the sort of parenting required of us.
Consider this excerpt from Dusty’s post:
“The thing is, it’s hard to be a parent with ADHD. So much so that in many of the ADHD support forums I am a part of online, I see people saying that they have actually made the choice not to have children because of their ADHD. That is mind blowing; think about it for a second. There are people out there whose ADHD is so crippling to them that they are consciously choosing not to experience a whole aspect of life that is so fulfilling to so many people.”
My readers have told me this too. My own ADHD (among other factors) played a role in my decision to have only one child. And yet I see posts on popular ADHD websites pushing the idea that ADHD can make you the “fun mom.” Maybe that’s true for some, but for many of us there’s a darker side that benefits from being seen and talked about.
The Hardest Thing to Remember When Your Child is Upset | Janet Lansbury
This post popped up in my memories from two years ago. How appropriate! Last night my kiddo had a huge meltdown before bed and I eventually left him alone to work it out. He was hysterical. I said goodnight, gave him a kiss on the head, and reminded him I loved him.
I’m not convinced that was the perfect response. If I had more patience left at 7:00 p.m., or if my own circuits weren’t fried from being screamed at, maybe I could’ve made one of those magical acknowledging gestures described in this article.
That wasn’t where we were. He was deep in his reptile brain. I could tell he was tired from being out late at an event the night before and getting up at his normal time in the morning.
Somehow, a little voice in my head told me, “stop trying to reason with the amygdala.” I knew he was tired and burned out and the best thing I could do for him was let him calm down and fall asleep. The freakout had happened over something so inconsequential I couldn’t even identify it. Neither of us were going to benefit from talking it out.
ADHDers can have some overwhelmingly big feelings. It’s tempting to try to talk us down but the more you try to counteract the feelings with reason, the bigger they get. If you don’t have it in you to acknowledge or empathize, find a way to lovingly take a step back.
Parenting ADHD with ADHD: how I handled a recent call from the principal | The ADHD Homestead
I know I’ve posted a lot of parenting content this week and I promise this is the last one! When we talk about parenting kiddos with ADHD, we often forget that one of that child’s parents are likely to have ADHD too.
Our ADHD affects our parenting. Sometimes it helps me, like when I remember my own childhood and try — sometimes even successfully! — to have a little more understanding when my kid makes a mistake. Many times it throws down challenges: I’m impulsive, forgetful, and emotionally reactive. I flounder in any situation that requires social nuance or thinking on the spot.
This makes things like a concerned call from the school principal about my kiddo’s behavior especially challenging. Here I talk about one such incident and how I got through it with my sanity and my personal relationships intact. It required a lot of self-awareness and knowledge of my own ADHD, which plays a role in every one of these situations whether I acknowledge it or not. The more we work with our ADHD, the better we can parent our children and help them manage their ADHD.
I’m anxious about being able to concentrate, so when someone interrupts or distracts me, I can get overwhelmingly frustrated and angry. | ADHD Alien
This entire series of images is so relatable. Flip through and read the whole post. The way she talks about her struggles not only filtering out distractions, but controlling her reactions to them is spot on.
Decluttering Useful Stuff and Difficult Decisions | A Slob Comes Clean
Lots of good stuff in this one. I especially appreciated the conversation about dealing with other members of the household. My family seems hell-bent on filling every horizontal surface with clutter!
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