This week in ADHD gardening adventures…
ADHD + struggling to form an identity | ADHD Alien
This hits hard! Excerpt:
There are all these things I want to be and want to do, but my actions never seem to match my goals. No matter how much I plan to do better next time, for some reason I still screw up.
ADHD Alien
For many of us, this is our life story 😬
This experience is a huge reason why I push back against the “ADHD is actually a gift!” narrative. For a lot of us, it isn’t. And not just because society expects us to be something we’re not. Because without active symptom management, our actions are consistently out of line with our deepest values, beliefs, and goals. And I don’t know of anyone who would call that a gift.
Stuck and overwhelmed? Look for the smallest possible win.
A little bit ago I talked in a video on my Patreon feed about task overwhelm. That logjam that sucks us into a pit of self-loathing and paralysis.
It’s easy to fall back on old thought patterns that say we have to “buckle down” and “try harder.” Have something to show for ourselves.
…Which leads to more paralysis.
When you give yourself permission to take the small win, to make small progress, you might find that logjam starts to loosen.
In this post I talk about why all those stupid little undone chores around the house matter, and how I restart my progress on them.
COVID Risk Comfort Zone | xkcd
Oh this is too true! Substitute it with any request that makes me uncomfortable and you have my struggle since…elementary school? Sometimes I hit that “direct” sweet spot, but more often I impulsively blurt out something that belongs in the “too direct” box or rambling on for five minutes (“too indirect”) when a simple “actually, I’d rather not” would’ve been fine.
My earliest memory of this: during recess sometime in elementary school, I was playing some kind of pretend game with another girl. She told me to pretend to throw up into a drainage pipe. We went back and forth for several minutes, her pestering and cajoling and trying to get me to do it.
Now I would just say, “look, I have a weird thing about throwing up and no matter how many times you ask, I’m not going to do that.”
During my first year at my post-college job, I got into a weird email confrontation with a known pot-stirrer. My program director gave me some great advice I’ve followed ever since: keep replies to stuff like this short. Every unnecessary sentence gives the other person one more opportunity to argue with you. If it’s not up for debate, leave it out.
With the pandemic, communication has become even more difficult. Rather than politely declining a party invite, we want to tell the host, “I’m really concerned you’re having this party at all because it doesn’t seem like there’s a way to do it safely.” It’s hard to know the right thing to say. However, I do think it’s close to the “direct” option in this comic: a concise statement of your current status.
But we ADHDers struggle to be concise in the best of circumstances. Once feelings get involved, as they so often do in all of this, we might not think before we speak. Or we might get so overwhelmed, we spend five minutes talking in circles.
9 Creative Ways to Get Alone Time as a Mom (Even During a Pandemic)
As an introvert with ADHD, my alone time is essential. If I don’t get that time to disconnect, I start sliding toward a meltdown.
We need to stop feeling afraid or selfish about asking for alone time — especially if that alone time helps us show up for our family in the way we want (and need) to.
It’s not a luxury. In some ways, at least for me, it’s part of ADHD treatment. If I don’t take good care of my brain, my ADHD goes from manageable to debilitating in a hurry. The best medication in the world cannot negate the need for adequate sleep, exercise, and yes — alone time.
If this is you, ask for what you need. Make room for what you need. I promise there is time in the day somewhere.
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