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Living with ADHD: My travel wish list

Maybe you’ve heard the stereotypes about people with ADHD: we’re supposed to be fun and spontaneous. Always up for adventure. And that should make us excellent travel companions, right?

Like most ADHD stereotypes, the answer is not necessarily. Some of us travel well, others do not. We’re all individuals, after all. And ask anyone who knows me, I’m not the type of ADHD’er who:

  • Loves spontaneity
  • Doesn’t sweat the small stuff
  • Adapts readily to changes in plans

I am the type of ADHD’er who:

  • Gets restless easily
  • Struggles to relax in an unstructured environment
  • Needs to know what to expect
  • Has a bit of an anxiety problem

If you’re traveling with a laid-back ADHD’er who’s content to go with the flow, consider yourself lucky (as long as you’re willing to do all the work). The anxious ADHD’er, even if they love to travel as much as I do, can be kind of a nightmare. But I promise, a vacation with us can actually be a lot of fun. You just have to know how to accommodate us.

Here’s my vacation wish list:

An exhaustive packing list

Whether I’m going away for one night or 17, I need a detailed packing list. This list includes every individual item I pack, with checkboxes for both the departure and return trip. If I care about bringing it with me at all, it goes on the list.

Please don’t criticize my list. It keeps me from losing my stuff, and from having an anxiety attack about the potential of losing my stuff. And don’t talk to me while I’m packing, either. I don’t want help. I don’t need you to ask “Is this yours?” while holding up my phone charger, or remind me to grab my water bottle from the sink. That’s what my list is for.

An itinerary

I recently tried to go with the flow on a family vacation. I didn’t create a detailed itinerary beforehand and I tried not to harass anyone with a gazillion questions. This lasted approximately 24 hours into the trip. Then it became unbearable.

Listen — I know for most people, vacation is about kicking back and relaxing. You don’t want to feel like the trip itself is a full-time job. I get it, or at least I acknowledge it. But I can’t operate this way and you don’t want me to try.

Rather than telling me to relax, let me make the itinerary. I’ll invite everyone else to join as desired. Presuming we have the follow-through to do the work (e.g. making reservations or looking up hours of operation), an anxious ADHD’er can be an asset to any trip. Thanks to my obsessive planning on group vacations, our family has done some cool stuff we may have missed out on otherwise. I’m the one who makes sure we get reservations for the cool zipline tour. When we pass a local distillery, I find out if they do tours and tastings. I coordinate plans to meet up with distant friends during our annual ski vacation. My fixation on the structure of the trip makes these pre-planned activities possible.

My normal diet and meds

I’ve heard of people taking a “vacation” from their ADHD meds, or only taking them for work or school. I’m not sure how anyone could call that a vacation.

Not only are my ADHD meds necessary for a fun vacation — that is, one where I don’t end up estranged from all my traveling companions — I like to maintain my normal diet. I don’t like Diets, per se, but I do have a diet that makes me feel good. It’s very simple and old-fashioned and my body is used to it. A vacation with nothing but restaurant meals, white breads and pastas, and sugary desserts will make me sluggish, headache-y, and irritable. If I don’t have access to a kitchen, I at least need a restaurant with wholesome options that will keep my body feeling healthy.

Plenty of physical activity

I’m like a child. I can’t sit on the beach all day and be happy. You need to take me surfing, take me for a hike, invite me for a morning jog, anything to keep me active and tire me out before bedtime.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the beach. But here’s where I become the ADHD stereotype: I need something to do. I’m the person who will drag you to surf lessons, lead a paddle boarding expedition, or bodysurf wave after wave with you while everyone else sunbathes. Of course, feel free to sunbathe, just don’t expect me to join you.

Time to regroup

Give me some time every day where you don’t expect me to talk or listen to anyone. If I say I’m going for a walk to the corner store and I don’t ask if anyone wants to join me, don’t jump up and say, “I’ll keep you company!” If you see me lounging with a book, don’t strike up a conversation. My brain needs time to recharge, and if I miss that time, I can turn into a real jerk.

Clean and tidy travel companions

My living space plays a big role in how I manage my ADHD symptoms. A relatively clean and uncluttered environment ranks right up there with taking my meds every day. So when you travel with me, don’t take a vacation from cleaning up after yourself. Alternatively, if you generally don’t clean up after yourself, there’s no better time to start.

When I see clutter heaped on every horizontal surface, crumbs on the table, or dishes in the sink, I don’t feel relaxed. I feel like I still have things to do before I can relax. So I pick up your strewn-about dishes and I load the dishwasher and I arrange your collection of personal items into a single pile on the coffee table. By the time I do all that, everyone else has enjoyed a solid hour of down time and we’re starting the next activity.

A free day at home on either end

I will gladly do all the packing and unpacking, if you give me time and space to do it. I don’t want to wait until the morning we leave to pack. I don’t want a full schedule the day after we return. I want a full day to transition in and out of vacation mode.

I promise I love to travel, I just have to take my ADHD with me

If this sounds high-maintenance, it’s because it is. My entire life is high-maintenance. I work hard every day to maintain a reasonable level of order and keep my mental health on an even keel. My brain chemistry isn’t something I can leave at home when I go on vacation. All the things I do to accommodate my ADHD at home also apply to my adventures away.

And I do love to travel. I love leaving my everyday responsibilities behind to have a little fun once in a while. I love traveling to see friends and family who live far away. But I can’t leave my ADHD symptoms at home. That makes it an especially bad idea to leave any aspect of my symptom management at home. When you travel with me, you get the whole package: not just ADHD, but everything it means to live with it.

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